should i

go to sleep for two hours, get up and work on my paper, prep for the crazy job shit and pack for nyc, or should i fuck all of it and just die of panic attack on the plane as it flies over pennsylvania because i have forgotten to pack my slick black heels that go with my lovely skirt i'm to wear to bloomberg?

because there is a small part of me that is anal rententive (and for that, there is preparation H cream. which i happen to have because according to glamour, it reduces cellulite. but i left it in london before i even had a chance to open it) so i think i will sleep for two hours after this and wake up to do the necessary. why do i keep doing these things to myself? for two weeks before this i had told myself to get all this done so i can leave in peace. but these things never happen as i plan.

and i went to the nutritionist today to find out why i am so fucking heavy despite all my efforts at losing weight. and she says maybe my body just wants to be that weight. yup, i just needed someone in a white coat to tell me that.