parting words

i felt so terrible about not sending dan off today. i got off the cab after a couple of streets because i figured the snowstorm would have made it impossible for me to come back from newark. and for some reason i have this aversion to new jersey (wait--who doesn't?). maybe because everytime i go there i am plagued by bad luck: that one time with hang, stranded outside a very closed ikea, cursing our heads off for not checking beforehand. just this past saturday too, another wasted trip to that cursed ikea store in jersey that did not have fake plants or nice

so anyway, back to me not sending him off. the guilt gnawed at my heart as i walked to the nearest bus stop from where i was dropped off. i felt so cheap for not wanting to pay a hundred bucks to the cabby for the return trip and so shitty for leaving my bf to travel by himself in the horrid weather. then i thought--what if it had been me? i would have thought:"selfish fucker." and i'd hold him to it for the rest of his life. now i feel like the worst girlfriend in the world. :(

and this constant parting is such a pain. the worst is the several hours you have right before the flight. it's too short yet too long--too damn "in limbo" time, you don't really know what the best use of it is. so you end up not doing anything in particular and when the time is up you wish you did so the parting memory is sweet but a flicker and the moment's gone.