coffee talk

low fat double shot sugar free hazelnut latte
caramel macchiato extra drizzle, low fat, not too hot
light mocha frappucino, extra shot espresso, no whipped cream but i'd like the chocolate drizzle please
coffee with room for cream please

coffee has become such a complex beverage and you had better get with the program baby. better get that starbucks jargon down so you don't embarrass yourself in front of the guy behind you because he knows all the fucking combinations you can create with milk and ground beans.

sometimes when i'm in line i practice my order just so i sound like a regular and i really know what i want. i think if there is a hint of inexperience with the coffee ordering, the barista will fuck you over and make you a full cream latte and not soy like you asked for. so i always pretend to look at the snacks when i get up to the counter, but in fact i am reciting in my head low fat sugar free caramel latte please. "can i get a sugar free caramel latte please. oh yeah, can you make that low fat?" F. i screwed up the flow of my order. now i am paranoid she didn't hear my request for skim milk and that the barista who is making my coffee doesn't give a damn and squirts three pumps of non-sugarfree caramel which would be a blow to my diet plans.

i hate that i am a franchise whore. not just starbucks, but target, chipotle and whole foods! i am a slave to american commercialism and i am truly somewhat ashamed! but the cafe next door doesn't use skim milk and doesn't have sugarfree caramel syrup.