everytime my phone rings and an unknown number shows up on the caller id, i hope hard that it will be this familiar voice that i miss.

but each time i am just a tad disappointed. (happy but kinda sad you know?) it always is a familiar voice, not you-know-whose but that of either my mum or dad. they take turns to call i think. my mum likes to dial me on the speakerphone so everytime i answer and i hear the long pause before a frantic pick up, i know to anticipate my mother's "HEllo en!". and my dad when he calls always says, "hello young lady. so what's up. anything new?" then we always have these five minute conversations and i feel horrible that i am distracted and have nothing much to say to them. i think i am just a bad phone person. i've become really weak at holding a meaningful conversation and for some reason i'm always struggling to think of something interesting to tell people over the phone. i also constantly think of how to end the conversation or worry
i'm being really boring to talk to. maybe it's the last three years of phone relationship with my ex bf that has scarred me for the rest of my phone life.