the problem with being lazy

the problem with being lazy is that you end up with stick straight hair.

it all began because i have a head of hair as thick as a mop. in drier climates, it is manageable and sometimes even tame. but in the humidity here, it goes wild. everyday is a bad hair day. so for practical and convenient reasons, i tie it up. but because my hair is so thick, the weight of the ponytail pulls at my scalp and i have a growing bald patch which is a constant source of teasing.

insecurity nags at me. but i am too lazy to learn how to blow dry my hair--what put it up and do it in layers etc etc. bah. i haven't brushed my hair in years and i don't even own a brush/comb--to have me wield a brush while my other hand has to skilfully balance the very bulky (and not to mention heavy) hairdryer would be quite disastrous. furthermore, the last time i tried, my arms tired out before i finished even one side. so really, i needed a better solution.

so i went and rebonded my hair. horror of all horrors. i asked for what would make it least straight but more manageable and less frizzy and they said "soft rebonding". whatever that means. sure i guess, but please don't make it too straight.

i sit there for like 5 bloody hours (no joke) and you know what the outcome is. i hate that there is not a strand out of place and there is a sinister, unnatural sheen to it. argh. and i paid a whopping $126 for this--the most i have spent on my hair ever.

the second most expensive hair thing happened to me just a couple of weeks ago. i was desperate to get a hair cut one sunday and i impulsively called up NEXT salon and made an appointment. they asked if it was my first time and i said yes. "oh, then would you like our director to cut your hair for you?" i thought, wah they're so nice to first-timers, get the big-shot to cut. "sure." however, because i'm a cheapskate and always get discounted cuts at training schools, i had totally no idea that there was such a concept as DIRECTOR FEES. so for the first time in my life that day, i paid more than $20 for my hair cut.

the things in life we learn the hard way. in the meantime, i can only sit and mope because i can't tie my hair nor wash it for the next few days. ridiculous.

struck

i have just been electrocuted. no kidding. i was plugging my hifi back into the power outlet and ZZZAAAPPP i felt a crazy current run up my forearm. and it hurt like shit. i'm feeling a little wooozy now and i hope i live past tonight. maybe i'll become some superhero because they all start by getting struck by something or other. super-teo. flash-j. e-wonder. hmm. what special powers would i like?

butt

as i was driving out of keppel club this evening, a man was standing behind his van--and he was removing his pants!!! and right as i zipped by--oof! i caught sight of his grey undies!

my grandpa is a casanova

my ah kong has a girlfriend. a nurse he met at sgh during his regular medical check-ups.

the granddaughters found out one day when we took him out to dinner. "wah ah kong, why so busy? got girlfriend ah?" haha, he laughed and said yes. hmmm. we all just laughed it off that night thinking our gramps was probably pulling our leg.

but he really wasn't because just last night we picked him up again for dinner and my cousin asked about his girlfriend again:
"so ah kong, how is your girlfriend?"
"good"
"wah you really have a girlfriend ah? don't bluff"
"yes really. why would i lie to you?" then he shows us a series of flirtatious text messages
"so who is she? where is she from?" we find out she is a eurasian girl from the philippines.
"pretty or not?"
"of course lah. nice body"
"wah! ah kong! so hamsap!"
"aiyah, if i want to get girlfriend, must be pretty...get fat and ugly one for what?" OMG. this is my grandfather.
"how old is she ah kong?"
"28"
"wah so young! young enough to be your granddaughter!" we all shake our heads in disapproval
"aye, you youngsters, study so much but still so narrow minded"

well my gramps is indeed the player. a michael douglas in his own right eh?

thirty dollars

ok, so that day i parked the town bee at a URA carpark and forgot to tear the parking coupons or whatever you call them. of course as is traditionally me, i realised too late (i was just metres away from my car) and i was unpleasantly unsurprised that stuck in my wipers was a receipt looking thing charging me $30 freaking dollars for my oversight. shit and i don't want to pay. now i need to cook up some excuse. maybe my tire was flat and i went to look for someone to help me change it? or i had a bad stomachache and had to rush to the toilet?

and unlike in the US where you can just escape to another state if you have too many unpaid fines, i can run to east coast but the police will still find me. argh.

ulcers

aye. this title sounds familiar. didn't i write about ulcers before? ok so now you know i have some ulcers which are growing and about to merge to form a large island of festering mucosa in my mouth. this time not just limited to my lower lip, but even inside my upperlip so that it hurts when i lick my upper row of teeth (which i happen to do only when i get ulcers on my upperlip. i think i have a weird crazy masochistic complex going on in my head).

so when i have the three or four festering sores in different corners of my mouth (like the four corners of the globe although the globe doesn't have corners. who was the smart ass who coined that phrase btw. wait, it does exist doesn't it? because now that i've penned it, it sounds really funny like you know when you write things like splotch). so back to my ulcers, you would think that would stop me from eating because they hurt kind of. but no, in that sick masochistic kind of way, i eat even more almost as if to say- "hah ulcer, take that!"

and why the hell do americans call them cankersores? beats the hell out of me. ouch.